I'm That Bitch

I'm that bitch that keeps you up at night
thinking and wondering about whats going to come.
I can either leave you in the dark,
or lead to you total bliss,
I have the upper hand
and I'm always in control.
I'm the baddest bitch around,
I bet you'll never find anyone like me --
One that can make you laugh,
and just as quickly make you cry.
I can decide your fate,
and I and define your fortune.
I'm that bitch that got you feelin' tingly inside.
I got you having butterflies,
and unsure of what to do with yourself.
I'm the bitch that is very deadly,
and under certain circumstances,
I can be fatal.
I'm the kind of bitch
that people search for forever,
but never, ever find.
I'm a real bitch
and sincere one,
and my presence is always known.
I may my entrance gracefully in most cases,
and I can mask torture well.
People think they can outsmart me,
and they're highly mistaken.
I'm that bitch that builds you up,
but I'm also the bitch to tear you down.
I'm the bitch you want and need,
and I'm that bitch that scares you.
I'm that bitch,
bitch the head bitch I am.
I am a bitch, and will forever be a bitch,
but you will always want me because
I'm that bitch you call Love.

1/11/09 (Personal Blog)

It's interesting how we often allow our negative emotions get the best of us. We often allow the negative energy feed us, therefore causing a sometimes unnecessary result. But what drives us to an initial reaction, though or feeling? What really causes us to be angry, sad, or yell? What makes us want to curse, and what makes us want to cry? While some may state the obvious and say "it varies from person to person", its all just the same old thing: we allow the negative emotions and thoughts over power those that are more positive.

When something doesn't necessarily go our way, we often get upset and the first thing that happens is that our mood changes. Some people are better with this mood change than others. While some people swallow everything they have and try to look away, some of us tend to get angry, vengeful or sometimes even violent. Not that it's wrong to have emotions or feel a certain way about particular issues (for everyone has their right to feel what they want and are entitled to their personal opinions) but we have to learn how to control our initial reactions.

I've recently added that to my very few new years resolutions (I don't have that many because I'm almost perfect =] ). I realize that becoming angry, confrontational and vengeful, usually gets me nowhere, and in the end, things always turn out okay regardless of how I responded to it in the first place. My new years resolution is to keep my cool when I'm unhappy. Not that I'll appear nonchalant, but maybe I'll just think before I act, and look more so towards a solution that hovering over the problem to make it worse before it gets better. I've found it to be a waste of time to put so much energy, negative energy at that, into something that i'll probably laugh about ten minutes later.

Adding "fuel to the fire" is a mistake I've done in the past on multiple occasions, and have made situation become more than what they needed to be. If I have ever done this to you, I apologize. Accept, or don't. It's no longer my burden to deal with.

1/9/09

As the saying goes,
the best things in life are free.
So why is it that
the best things don't always come for me?
Maybe it's not as personal
as I make it seem.
But I can't help but feel the pain,
as I observe people around me:
Unable to be educated,
because the tuition is too high;
a child is starving,
and mama can't explain why.
Daddy is an alcoholic,
and Mom is on drugs.
She's only thirteen,
but she's turning to him for love.
The boy next door,
can't stop crying himself to sleep.
He knows it's not normal,
he asks "why does he keep touching me?"
The lights in the kitchen are off again,
and there is no longer running water.
It's summer time in the city,
can it be any hotter?
Her life is a living hell
because the love of her life beats her
"but he loves and provides for me", she says
"It can't get any sweeter."
The boy's shoes don't fit,
and his clothes are out of season,
his mom is nowhere to be found,
and her disappearance never had a reason.
Things that we often consider free,
are never free at all.
If that we're the case,
there would be less of a downfall.
There would be little sorrow
and a lot less demise,
if promises of the best things
weren't full of lies.
We are lucky to be more fortunate,
but we should really take a look around.
Stop looking past everything real,
and stop looking at the ground.

1/8/09

Silence and darkness
is all that surrounds me.
I have my pen and paper,
for right now that is all I need.
I jot away my thoughts,
and write away my sorrows,
and write about my dreams,
and better tomorrows.
I write of joyous days,
or at least productive ones;
days that rain never leaves the sky
and everyone smiles until the day is done.
I write about the world
and all that goes on.
I write about the war and the peace,
the rights and the wrongs.
I write fairy tales,
and create picture books with my words,
and I can only hope
that my writings will be heard.
This is only the beginning
of a long and unpredictable journey.
I'm allow you to see whats on my mind,
I hope you come with me.
So come along friend,
take my hand,
and I take you, verbally,
through the ups and downs of my thoughts
the best I can.
Read with caution,
but open up your mind,
for this is the only way to understand
people of my kind.

1/7/2009

Your tactics never fail
you always seem to get the best of me
only to leave me upset with myself,
and leaving me to question.
If only I had more power over you.
If only you weren't so manipulative and underhanded.
You sneak up behind me and stab me in the back,
and you make a sunny day into a storm.
You take peace and quiet to make it a catastrophe
You have the power to take a great thing and make it the worst.
Power is in you hands,
and you determine the beginning and the end.
You are an evil being,
one which shouldn't be tampered,
one that should be left alone.
But how could I ever neglect thee?
You've been around for seasons, DECADES almost
and when no other emotion could be felt
You were there.
You agreed with me, and fought with me
always be my side, regardless of the circumstance.
You've been my muse on many occasions,
an inspiration, if you'd like to call it that.
You've gotten me into trouble,
but, you love me, and you never go away.
If I'm lonely, you are there.
If I'm sad, you are there.
If I'm insecure, you are there.
Have you become my backbone? my bad habit? or my security blanket?
I can't help but wonder how life would be without you,
But then again, I can't picture my life without your presence.
You have become second nature to me, Jealousy.
When will this roller coaster end?

1/5/09

Ever since September, i feel like you've always been there for me, regardless of the circumstance and how it made you feel. For so long, you put me above yourself when I needed it most. Not only do I appreciate that, but I appreciate how you have always been my shoulder to cry on (even though i do NOT really cry too often), you listen to me, and you USUALLY give an unbiased opinion that you find best suit. You have made me realize things about myself, love and life in general. You've molded me into a better person, even if its only a little bit, you helped me to grow. Even before we were together, you've demonstrated complete devotion to me. You're understanding (most of the time), and easy to talk to. You are my best friend, and now my lover. I cherish every moment we spend together (secretly) even if I'm upset, or if you're upset about anything. You make me feel like I'm really the last woman standing, and as far as I'm concerned, anyone better doesn't exist. Yea, we've been through some shit. But the mere fact that through everything, we're together really means a lot symbolically and physically. I think about you all the time (secretly), and I only want to be with you. Even if I'm not having the greatest of days, you're the only one I want to talk to because you always know the right things to say. You're an honest, easy going person, and I know I can be dramatic and frantic at times. You have become the yin to my yang, keeping me balanced and sane. You are my adviser, my confidant, my napping buddy, my dance partner, my lunch pal, my booty call (lol, thought it would be funny), and I want nothing else but to give my all to you.