I'm Not The Soldier I Thought I Was

I'm not the soldier I thought I was;
Emotions run too freely.
I'm not built so army strong,
for I break so easily.
Blood trace and heart aches
is all I feel inside.
I don't know why its getting to me.
Still feelings I try to hide.
The tapping of my fingers
appears to soothe my soul,
but its only temporary
cuz soon the nights turn cold.
Harsh and lonely,
too many cares in the world
all because this soldier
is just a simple girl.

I'm not the soldier I though I was;
I can't even speak my heart.
I want to try, and try again
but my mind knows not where to start.
So many things unsaid
that I wish I could share with you
but in my mind they all seem selfish;
Showing my lack of gratitude.
So here is my beginning,
during what is nearing the end
Im pouring my heart out to you,
so that you may not question it again.
Open up your eyes,
and open up your mind,
although what you find here
may not be a surprise.

I'm not the soldier I thought I was;
every second wanting to be in you arms
I'm trying to begin to cope
with the idea of you being so far.
Limited is my time spoken
more limited is my time spent.
And now that the separation is oh so near
I can't figure out where the time went.
I don't wish to interfere,
I have no desire to impede.
But its really hard to do so,
when i have such demanding needs.
I don't wish to appear greedy,
I don't wish to appear rotten,
But I just want to spend my days,
those that have been forgotten.

I'm not the soldier I though I was;
You're always in my thoughts
I don't know why I feel this way,
its not how this soldier was taught.
I can't stand the thought is missing you,
you being so far away.
But it hits me harder and harder,
until I'm broken down day by day.
I let it get to me,
thats not what soldiers do
Maybe I'm not so tough after all,
Maybe my weapons aren't true.
Bullets of tears
a grenade of pain;
Why did it take me so long
to see these were fake.

I'm not the soldier I though I was;
I've become oh so broken,
So stitch me up and send me home,
for I can no longer focus.
"Soldier down", they say,
Though I was never a soldier at all
I just wore the camouflage
to cover my weaknesses and flaws.
In front of you I appeared
on guard and ready
Aiming straight for the target,
my rifle steady.
But inside, I was hiding
from my greatest fear--you,
But I'm beginning to come out
for you deserve to know the truth.