Emotionally Torn

I was awakened by that ringtone. Not from a slumber, but instead from merely a dream...

Its getting harder and harder to keep myself from crying. More difficult to paint on a smile and shake it off. The real emotions are weighing heavily, and I am unsure of how to express myself, for I never have. Unsure of what to tell you, so I never will.

So easy it is for me to simply say "I miss you", but there is so much more to that. I can't deny what I feel. So passionately do I want to say, "I need you, and now that I've met you, I can't imagine life without you". How eagerly I wish to tell you, "You are my world, you are my everything". But so well, do I hide it. So often do I respond with "Me too" when in all reality, thats not what I mean.

I'm not so great at expressing myself. And I'm even worse at opening up. I hide my feelings and refuse to change in fears of having my heart broken, in fears of scaring you away. I'm afraid of appearing vulnerable, although I clearly am. I fear being torn, shredded and stirred, so I avoid it.

Instead I'll continue to paint on my smile for the world. I'll dry my eyes and reapply my make-up to seal in the emotion inside and just deal with it. I always do, right?