The Wind Blows Constantly

The Wind Blows Constantly
The Wind blows constantly;
persistently revealing its secrets.
the secrets of those weeping in the night,
the secrets of those that wish on the stars,
the secrets of those with a shattered heart.

The Wind blows constantly;
carrying off every burden of the soul,
silently telling stories
of the world's sorrows
and the world's past.

The Wind blows constantly;
The Wind is always there
when you need it most.
The Wind is always speaking.
But when will we take time to listen?

Re: Untitled (Kisshawn)

So many times have we been broken down by others; finding it hard to trust, hard to completely feel comfortable around someone for whom you care so much, difficult to love. It's hard to just hand your heart over to someone after so many tears, so many sleepless nights, so many battles lost.

Never for a second has any doubt of your feelings for me crossed my mind. Nor have I ever denied my feelings for you. It's an utter rarity that someone brings a sincere smile across my face quite like you do. I feel as though I could talk to you about anything, any one, how I'm feeling. Why I'm so comfortable around you, I'm not sure. Never have I been able to open up to someone the way I have done with you in weeks past. You tolerate me, and accept me as the beautiful flaw I am. You understand me even through my awkwardness. Late night conversations on the phone are new to me. I always wanted to partake in a few, but never met someone who cared enough to sit on the other side. I feel as though you know me as no one else does. You're perfect in my eyes and I'm not sure how I could be any happier.

I've learned that patience is the key to some of life's best experiences. So regardless of your current frustrations, I feel that if we were meant to be, we will be. When the time is right, neither of us would have to second guess ourselves, neither of us would feel wronged, neither of us would feel guilty. When the time is right, I'm sure there would be pure bliss; no doubts, no regrets. Just us. Just happiness. But until it is revealed to us what Patience holds, I want to be that lationship that makes you smile. I want to be that lationship that will rebuild you. I want to be that lationship that you will never forget because of the numerous positive moments we've shared. I want to be that lationship that makes you feel like the only woman in the world. I want to be THE lationship.

All she could do was smile

Some see her as a suicide victim; a person suffocated by her own thoughts, desires and will. Others felt it was homicide, for those from her past ripped out her heart, and punctured her soul only to watch every last bit of life drip from her body. Her big heart, heavy heart after so many layers of emotional bandages plastered it for so long. Shattered it was underneath these bandages, but no one should ever know.

She smiled on mechanically; like a robot she was inside. She was empty, she was emotionless. It was as if she were programmed to smile through worse and worst times. She’s not to be confused with deranged, for this she is not. She’s simply dead. Dead on the inside from all the sorrow that has burned so deep. Dead on the inside from the hatred that has engulfed every portion of her body.

The smile she reveals is no longer one of glee, but instead one of confusion. No longer does she know the difference between luck and an omen, laughing and crying, joy and pain because now it’s all just the same. People are the same. Occurrences are the same. Some say it helps to cry. She constantly feels the tears stinging the back of her eyes, but they never flow.

And she’s left with this bitter, hollow smile.

To Infinity

There's so much bottled up inside, because regardless of how I feel for you, how I feel about you, I can never come up with the courage yo open up to you. So many thoughts left unsaid, so many actions left undone; so many opportunities have passed me by. I'm left to wonder if there's anything left; if there will ever be another chance. I count down the days until I get to feel your warmth against mine, stare deeply into your soft eyes, or walk hand in hand down the empty street. I suddenly feel the need to clear my mind. I take a walk.

There's an eclipse in the sky above me. I can't help but position my head to admire its significance. Immediately, with a simple glance, I'm reminded of you. The moon so full of beauty and wisdom, much like your soul. This eclipse, a rarity, reminds me of the odds of finding another like you. So pure, so tranquil. Like your heart. I continue to move forward; the white snow crushing under my feet soon brings me back to reality. Is it all really a dream? Or is there truly someone like you out there for me?

Another cold night. So dark and alone. My only companions are the stars above. I soon come to the realization that my attempts to be rid of you are unsuccessful. I find the nearest bench, and I weep. No longer is this mask of happiness covering my face. No longer is this blanket of security shielding me from my own feelings. So terribly do I yearn for one to care for me just as much as I care for them. And for years have I dreamt of the day I could hold someone in my arms and never have doubt that this was forever. I'm now vulnerable, unmasked, and the uneasiness I once felt about opening up to you is now appeased.

This is dedicated to infinity. The only thing that last an eternity; The only thing that I know will never fail me, will never stop searching for something to fill my void. I've learned not to count on love, because love forsakes you. Love will stab you in the back with no remorse. So, Infinity my sweet, I know one day you will fullfill my wishes. I know someday you will bring me a bit more happiness. I dry my face, and paint on a brand new smile for the world to see. Once the new day approaches, I will be okay. Right?

Re: Untitled (To Iyana)

My mind; oh so cluttered with thoughts
Or am I thinking nothing at all?
I sit lifelessly in front of this keyboard
Typing aimlessly;
Not sure what to say
Not sure where to begin
Or if there's even a beginning

I stand alone
Waiting for someone to reach out:
To take my hand,
To comfort me,
To understand the emptiness that lies within
I turn around to find no one

The tears begin to form a river
Along what was once my face
But is now a host to a common but vacant smile
No longer do I feel the urge to speak
But I do feel as though I have something to say
Something that needs to be heard;
Something that has for so long yearned to be released
But my mind, my body and my soul
Have yet to cooperate to allow me to make sense of it

I now feel as though I'm a lost cause
No one can help me now
I'm no longer sure how to help myself,
As if I ever were for that matter
But I keep fighting, fighting, fighting
For what?
Have I lost sight of my source?
Or has it lost sight of me?
Was there even any cause to begin with?

Maybe if I knew what to feel,
How to feel
I could be whole
I could be Bliss.
But until then...

My mind; oh so cluttered with thoughts
Or am I thinking nothing at all?
I sit lifelessly in front of this keyboard
Typing aimlessly;
Not sure what to say
Not sure where to begin
Or if there's even a beginning

Mistakes

I once read from an amazing person, that no matter what you do for someone, they will always remember what you didn't break your back to do for them. At some point, I could never fully understand what this meant, but I've recently come across an experience that has opened my eyes to this truth.

As humans, we constantly make mistakes. Regardless of how hard we try to be perfect, faults are always made. Some are minor, while others are concerned with a more major scale. But with this knowledge, why is it that we automatically look to create "double negatives" from mistakes. When I say double negative, I refer to acting negatively based off a mistake that someone else performed to either A: Make yourself feel superior by attempting to make another feel guilty, B: You're a complete and total bitch, C: You know not how to react, so you go off instinct, or D: You simply do not know how to discuss problems like an "adult".

We often make mistakes heavier by magnifying them, and by not being forgiving of them. We will remember a blunder before we remember everything else that was done for us. We will remember a mistake before remembering any hugs given, any laughs shared, any cheering up, or any favors. We will immediately give up trust due to a mistake, without seeking an explanation. Some remain one sided, and in the case of mistake, they will make a decision based off of that one incident and opposed to weighing out the negatives and positives of the past and discussing them. More strong minded people realize that mistakes are made, and instead of being rude and seemingly careless, will look for a positive discussion. Regardless of if it works out or not, whether you agree to disagree or you kiss and make up, it’s always better to say you tried for the sake of the relationship than say you gave up all trust because you’re tired. It’s always better to at least pretend to value something, anything.

When it comes to fixing mistakes or trying to justify them, we are often passive; we don't confront them personally. I'm sick of people writing bulletins, and notes instead of something a bit more personal. We say that the mistake is a terrible burden; we act as if it’s the end of the world, regardless of if the situation can be resolved or not. But the last thing we want to do is talk it out. What holds us back? Pride? Immaturity? Fear? Retardation? Psychological issues? I guess I will never fully understand because although I do take the time out to write notes, bulletins and blogs, what I say is always up for discussion and I make that known.

Mistakes are made by everyone. Point blank. Some people have yet to accept that there are more important things in the world going on. We always think we have it so terrible. But there is always someone suffering way worse. There is always someone starving. There is always someone that doesn't have a home. There is always someone without parents and a loving family. And we think our resolvable issues are something to stress about? Honestly, do you think people dying are concerned about mistakes? No. They're trying to survive. Mistakes are insignificant due to their frequency, but we tend to gamble so much over them. Sad but true.

There is nothing else to do but pack up and move on, for as I said, there are way more important things. Not money, cars, clothes, or even people for that matter. But just more important things than mistakes. You make mistakes, and learn from them. It’s that simple. Why stay stuck or get upset when there are other things to focus on?