Drowning

Death tip toes over my shoulder. Sneaky bastard. My face, numb. My body, cold. I lie there lifeless. Meaningless. Lack self worth. I'm empty inside. The only feelings are those of hatred, jealousy. I go back over my life and contemplate what i've done wrong. Everything. The tears begin to flow. The thoughts begin to rise. Why can't I have just done a single thing right? Why did I have to fail him, fail her, fail life?

The coldness is gone, and I'm all cried out. I try to close my eyes, try to rest. Maybe sleep will cure my misery. But instead, I lay there, lifeless, eyes burned dry. Too much on my mind. The thoughts continue to rise. I lay there on my back, trying to find my "happy place". I pray. So now what? Wait do I?

I try to pass time until a sign reveals itself to me. Until my prayer is answered. Until then I have no one in which to express my pain, no one to soothe my burning eyes. I'm alone. Again. Why? Why does no one care? Why wont anyone listen and say "Tyra, I love you. I care about you and I'm always here". What is it about ME? Why can't I be someone else, if just for a day? The thoughts continue to rise.

I'm drowning in my thoughts.
And I don't know how much longer I can last
I exhale in
Hoping to forget my clumsy past
Fortunately for me
I wont just end it all
Only because I now understand
That my death is not my call
I try to front
So only my smile you see
But none of you...NONE I SAY
Know the real me
She lives in the shadows
Regretting her life
Hating her every move
And asking herself why
She doesn't understand
Just what her destiny is to be
And she's stuck and alone
Looking to be set free
Her mind is empty
And her soul is lost
And for her many imperfections
She pays the cost
She really is
A sad girl you see
Who doesn't know
Just who she wants to be
She's failed her mother
She's failed her friends
She's failed herself
And it never ends
In the end she sees
Theres nothing she can do
So she paints on her smile
And fakes her way through..

Dramatic maybe..true nonetheless

Untitled

Why is it that those that you need the most, the ones that you care for the most are the ones that always hurt you the most?? Why is it that they look to start trouble? Why is it that they're never satisfied? How come they always talk down to you, and don't appreciate the things you do because its not particularly they want? Why is it that they look to blame, to cause suffering??

These are questiong that have been flowing through my head all day. Am I that much of a bad person because I'm not social?? And I that bad of a person for buying christmas gifts?? Am I so stupid because I made a mistake?

Its getting to the point where I can't stand to be me. YOU make my life miserable. YOU are the reason I walk around unhappily. Yet, you fail to realize the damage you have caused me. The heartache, the struggles, the extra stress...

No. I will not respect you, because for so many years I have tried, and when I mess you, you never take into consideration to positive. You call me nagative, but why am I that way? What causes me to cry? What causes me to go days at a time, unsatisfied with myself because of something that was said.

You say I need help, but honestly, I think I just need a break. A break from the cursing, the anger and the accusations. If I could just get away from it all...